Bringing Back Dinnertime

Bringing Back Dinnertime 

 

There have been times when I have absolutely dreaded the task of providing dinner for my mega family.  Mealtime at our house seems to be hours of preparation, then 5 minutes of frantic animalistic face-stuffing.  Our schedules are so chaotic, everyone eats at different times and we barely even see each other.  I get criticism and ingratitude for my effort when I’m trying to get everyone to eat clean while keeping to a strict food budget (you can spend a fortune on food if you allow yourself to, and with large families this is particularly true).   I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “THIS is what we’re having for dinner?  WHERE'S THE BEEF?” I’m guilty of turning to Dominoes or the Golden Arches for a quick fix.  Like all of you, I want better for my family but the effort seems not worth the trouble.


Then something happened that changed my attitude.   One of my teenage daughters was struggling with her body image and lost her normal feelings of self-worth.  I asked her what we could do as her parents to remind her that she’s loved.  To my surprise, her answer was “I know you love me when we sit down and we have dinner together as a family.”  Her simple plea for more family time at the table reminded me that food is only a small portion of what mealtime is about.  I became determined to improve the dinner hour and really ‘feed’ my family.  Here are 8 of the ideas we are trying to implement that nurture body and soul:

1. Set the time aside as the Dinner Hour–Remember when it was impolite to call other people from 5-7PM because it was dinnertime?  Decide what hour is your dinner hour and expect EVERYONE to be there, hands washed, and most importantly…turn off the digital distractions!
2. Start with a Prayer/ Say Grace/ Meditate–Whatever it is your family does to take a moment and express gratitude for the preparation of the food and the fact that you are more fortunate than a large population of the world who has no dinner tonight.
3. Participation is Key–Small children 4-6 years old can peel carrots, stir the lemonade, and set the table.  6-10 year olds can chop veggies, roll out dough, boil pasta, or set the rice cooker.  Teenagers benefit from being completely in charge of dinner.  Expect a lot of burned casseroles and fallen cakes, but you’re preparing them to be capable adults and isn’t that the point?  Your daughter-in-laws with thank you.
4. Pull out the China–You’re also going to pull out linen table cloths, cloth napkins, chasers, and stemware.  Yes, it’s going to break.  Yes, it’s over the top.  Please try this before shutting me down.  It doesn’t need to be expensive or your grandma’s heirlooms. But be honest, does your dinner table need a makeover?   There is something about detail and effort that signals to the kids that this is a time for good behaviour.  Practice manners like “May I Be Excused?” “Please Pass the —-,“ teach etiquette, and expect respect.  Over time you will find that this separates your kids from a world of Honey Boo Boos.   When your son is at his first dinner job interview, he will thank you.
5. Discussion and Intimacy–My brother Brian found a simple, unique way to express his love for his wife and 4 kids at dinnertime.  He enters the dining room and places his hands on the shoulders of each of his kids, kisses their forehead and asks them about their day.  The kids find this soothing and have admitted that this face to face contact has helped them avoid making mistakes in life because they don’t want to disappoint Dad.  Find your own way to express your love and be consistent.

6.  Have a First Course–This is a simple salad, a thin soup, or perhaps fresh veggie sticks and dips.  The goal is clean, nutritious, cheap, and classy.  This is a good time to introduce new foods and expand the repertoire.  At first it might seem like extra effort and expense but I found that something magical happens.  As long as your first course costs less than your main course, you will SAVE money on groceries.  They eat less main course, creating more leftovers, which means less cooking, and spending less money.  We now get an entire extra dinner out of leftovers when before we never had any.  The second magical thing is it adds another 15 minutes to dinnertime.  This means more family interaction, more resting and digesting, and dinner becomes a calming experience at the end of their day. 

7.  Second (Main) course - Re-evaluate your main courses.  Most families only have 8 meals they have regularly and rotate.  Ask yourself....Why do we choose these recipes?  Are they in line with what we currently understand about nutrition?  Update and consider your family's tastes and ages so that everyone can look forward to a satisfying mealtime together.  The old adage "You are what you eat" is still true, and my clever kiddos told me that should be "Sunshine and Rain."  Your dinner should have grown outside.  If you are using a lot of boxes, packaging, and tins to make dinner, you need some new recipes.

8. Third course -  This can be a dessert course or a cheese course.  Typically we will have a fruit based dessert such as apple tart or plums with whipped cream.  If I'm short on time, we serve camembert, crackers, and tomato juice.  I try to make enough tart or cut fruit to have plenty of leftovers.  This is as a base for tomorrow's breakfast so the kids can just add it to hot or cold cereals.  Being prepared for the morning feels amazing.

Most first courses store well in the fridge, so you aren’t reinventing the wheel every night.  Make a huge pot of soup over the weekend in a two-handled pot that just gets reheated as needed, and it may last 2-3 meals.  Store your courses on a TV tray or platter that stays assembled in the fridge, ready for another night.  Apply patience!  Our first multi-course meal didn’t go great…It went pretty terribly.  Everyone wanted to rush back to what they’d been doing.  It wasn’t until the first night I MISSED a first course that I saw the effects it had on the little tigers.  I got, “Hey mom, WHERE'S THE SALAD?”

I win.  Enough said.

How To Do 3 Kids in Cloth Diapers Like A Boss

Have you ever had multiple kids in diapers?  Whether you choose disposables or cloth, you may feel like all you do is diapers.  Cloth is a little extra work, but with good organization, it can be a breeze.  Moms have various reasons, but I do cloth to save money.  For the price of one month of disposables, I can buy or make a set of cloth that lasts several years and sometimes, several kids.  For a large family, thousands of dollars can be saved and redirected elsewhere. 

Plus I think they're adorable :) 

I'm about to begin my 3rd round of 3 kids in diapers at the same time, and I've learned a thing or two about cloth.  I realize not everyone is going to have the same methods, but here's  HOW TO CLOTH DIAPER FOR MULTIPLE CHILDREN LIKE A BOSS:

1.  Adjustable snap nappies - If you've got multiple children, you're going to want ONE SIZE FITS ALL nappies so every nappy adapts to every baby.  This is practical for single child families, too, because they can grow with the baby.  Why snaps?  Because they tend to last longer than Velcro.  I do love the Velcro, too, but if you're going for a set that will last, snaps are your best bet.

2.  Have a huge inventory - Buy or hand make at least 15 nappy outers per child.  I have approximately 50 outers for 3 children. If all the nappies are dirty, you find yourself having to wash too frequently, you will burn out or be tempted to buy disposables in a pinch.  Have a huge inventory of plastic pants (I recommend 10-15), pre-folds (50-60), inserts (20-30), liners (20-30), and cloth wipes (50-60).  With 3 in diapers, there will be days where you simply can't get to the laundry like you want to, and being well stocked will set your mind at ease. 

You don't need to spend a fortune on supplies.  I was able to purchase all the above second hand online for a total of $70, and I was given a few hand me downs.  Making your supplies is a great option.  You may even have materials laying around the house right now.

3.  How to clean the nappies so they come out looking brand new - I use a wet pail method of pre-soaking (the dry pail method only stained my pre-folds and stunk).  With the wet pail method, the nappies are soaking as long as I need them to until laundry day.  I have no stains, and no lingering odours. 

TO PRE-SOAK NAPPIES: Fill a 5 gallon bucket half way with cool water.  Add a scoop of Vanish, NapiSan, or OxiClean and a scoop of laundry detergent.  Stir until dissolved.  Soiled nappies get rinsed by a sprayer or brushed into the toilet to remove as much solid as possible, then go into the wet bucket solution face down until washing day.  Keep the wet pail near the washing machine, up and away from toddler access.  Ours is in the garage, so no smells penetrate the house.  The Vanish gets rid of any smell anyway.

TO WASH:  Wash the nappies in the washing machine with the maximum amount of water, on either a cool or warm water setting (hot will set a stain).  Limit your load to about 15 nappies.  Add a normal amount of laundry soap and 1 scoop of Vanish, NapiSan, or Oxiclean to your load.  Use 1 cup of vinegar in the rinse cycle to kill odours. I like to do an extra rinse to remove as much detergent as possible.  This is optional, but it keeps the pre-folds nice and thirsty.

*Note some people are very particular about the type of laundry soap used on cloth diapers.  I make my laundry soap, so I know its a gentle recipe and free of harsh chemicals, but there are great brands out there designed specifically for cloth diapers.  That being said, most moms I know use store bought, everyday detergents with fine results.

TO DRY:  Cloth nappies do best when air dried on a clothes line where they can be exposed to the sunlight.  If you prefer an automatic dryer, avoid using the hot setting.  Hot heat will damage your elastic and plastic linings over time.  Use the cool or warm setting and your nappies will stay looking fabulous for a really long time.

4.  Strip nappies every 3 months - Over time the fibres of your cloth will collect residue from laundry soap, causing them to repel liquid and leak.  To strip the nappies of residue, wash the entire inventory of nappies, inserts, and liners.  Begin by running a load using cool water.   Instead of laundry soap, add a half cup of dish soap.  Rinse the load once with 1 cup of vinegar, then run an additional rinse cycle.  Dry as usual.

5.  Make it convenient - Set up several diaper changing stations around your home, especially if you have a big or multi-level home.  Create a station in the nursery, where you bathe the babies, near the night time feedings, and where they go down for naps.  Equip all these areas with cloth wipes and wipe solution.  Another convenient preparation is having additional wet pails set up in discrete places, just be sure to keep out of kids' reach.   

6.  Creating a leak-proof nappy -  Wrapping your baby in a cloth diaper is an art, especially if you have babies like mine who really know how to pee and have skinny legs.  I've collected tips from friends and my own trial and error to come up with a leak-proof method. 

-THE LAYERS: I use a nappy cover, a pre-folded cloth, an insert, and a liner.  Some nappies already have a built in insert, allowing us to skip the removable one.  The liner is meant to hopefully catch all the solids so we can just spray that down into the toilet without soiling the other layers.  Liners can be disposable, but I've got many cut pieces of a micro suede type fabric that work like a charm.

-FOLD IT CORRECTLY: A friend taught me to fold the pre-folds in the opposite direction that you think they should go (so they are shorter, rather than longer).  This way the most amount of layers are placed in the centre of the diaper.  Some people pin their pre-folds at the sides, I've never had to do this, since the cover holds it pretty well in place.

-WHEN IN DOUBT, ADD PLASTIC PANTS:  I cover my nappy covers with a pair of plastic pants when we leave the house and at bedtime.  This extra layer has never let me down.  Think of your nappy covers as water resistant, they aren't necessarily water proof.  If you've ever had a baby with skinny legs, you'll find this tip particularly useful.  And who couldn't use insurance against the untimely blow outs? 

Yes, cloth diapers are a little more work, but I love not having to rely on store brands, saving money, and using gentle products on my babies.  Their little brightly coloured bums look so cute running around outside. 

What tips do you have that you'd like to share?

Large Family Logistics - How To Get Kids To Love Reading (And Strengthen Your Family At The Same Time)

 

How To Get Kids To Love Reading

(And Strengthen Your Family At The Same Time)

 





Parenting has gotten tricky lately for those of us who want to avoid the mediocrity (and degradation) of today's pop culture.  My husband and I decided to get aggressive against negative influences on our kids, -not to isolate them entirely-, but to fill their minds with the best this world has to offer while they develop.  Quality entertainment is out there, but filtering the bad is a must. 

My concern about today's entertainment is not only that the majority of it is amoral, but also anti-intellectual.  The video culture has trumped the print culture, creating a dumbing down of society.  People are reading less, losing the ability to concentrate for short periods of time, and make rational, educated decisions. 

In my opinion, success in school and life can be boosted by reading often, and loving it! 

Here's what we've done to create a house of reading:

How To Get Kids To Read

1.  Digitally Disconnect -  To really encourage kids to read more, reading needs to become the most appealing activity in the home. We removed cable TV and limited movies early in the learning-to-read process, around the time our oldest child was 5 years old and filled each room with books.  Our kid's video games are also limited to strategy or educational games, weekends only, for our 5-12 year olds.  As the children grow into teenagers and have established a love for reading, we allow socially interactive games so kids can hang out with their friends online.

EXCEPTION:  E-books can be wonderful, especially for large families!  We find the children who are just learning to read prefer holding a real book, so I would wait on buying your kiddo a tablet or e-reader until you know if your child will take to reading on it.  But generally, I would say the e-readers have allowed our bigger kids age 10 and up to read MORE books because of the convenience factor.  Having a family Kindle account is the best!

image courtesy of www.favim.com

 

2.  Read to you children - Read chapter books that you genuinely enjoy to the children, one chapter a night.... from birth then even when they already know how to read.  Reading aloud has many advantages like expanding the vocabulary for challenging books.  We can give quality time to several kids simultaneously, and we all have something to talk about when we are together.  Kids walk away with the knowledge that their parents consider reading important, and usually follow suit. 

image courtesy of www.youthlitreviews.com

3.  Find the right book series for each child- Kids who hate reading may have just not found a book they like yet.  Great starting series for boys and girls are Magic Tree House, Goosebumps, Captain Underpants, and Junie B. Jones.  Don't give up!  There is a book out there for everyone.

image courtesy of www.laughinggiraffebooks.com

 

4.  Subscribe to magazines -  Even stubborn readers can't resist a bright magazine, and there are some fantastic publications available for kids.  Appleseeds, Weekly Reader, National Geographic for Kids, Highlights, Kids Discover, Sports Illustrated for Kids, and Ranger Rick are fun to have on the coffee table.  The kids think we're alleviating their boredom, but we've just tricked them into reading.

image courtesy of www.nytimes.com

 

5.  Watch the movie when they've finished the book - Back when Harry Potter was new, we started a habit of reading books, then seeing the movie.  We found ourselves (and our kids) racing to finish books and wanting everyone else to finish it so we can finally talk about it.  We discuss the morality of the book, what makes a character likeable, motives, and how the author inserted foreshadowing, irony, comic relief or climaxes.  When the movie does come out, we make a huge event of it.  Now we look for upcoming movies based on books that will be appropriate for all of us, or we hunt down older film versions of a classic story and determine our favourite.

image courtesy of www.momtastic.com


As a parent, I feel an obligation to my children to fill their little minds with general knowledge and give them the best chance at life.  My plan is to create a home of reading and taking the time to learn with them to build strong relationships and guide them to the best books.

How do you get your kids to read?

Do you agree that society is growing increasingly amoral and anti-intellectual? 

Do you see a dumbing down society, or has technology made us smarter?

Clean Dinners Under $12 - Spanish Rice

 

 

Spanish Rice

 

image courtesy of www.tasteofhome.com

 

We've been having Spanish Rice for as long as I can remember.  Our version is fairly plain so it is highly flexible and super cheap.  Use any leftovers for a second meal stuffing burritos, a side dish to tacos, or a layer for nachos.

Spanish Rice

WARNING: Serves 10-12, this recipe can be halved

1 TBSP olive oil
1 large yellow onion, diced ($.25)
1 green capsicum, diced or 1 cup frozen ($.75 frozen price)
1/2 kg beef mince ($6)
4 cups cooking tomato sauce (we use Benedict's Passata cooking sauce, 2 -680g jars) ($4)
5-6 cups beef bouillon or water to cut costs
5 cups long grain white rice ($1)
Tabasco sauce or similar, to taste
salt, pepper, cayenne to taste

Optional add ins: 
chopped garlic
sliced olives, green or black
pinto, red, or black beans
canned corn
canned tomatoes
canned diced chillies
shredded cheese
1 cup salsa
fresh chopped cilantro
sour cream

In a huge stock pot with a lid, heat the olive oil on medium high heat.  Add onions and capsicum and sauté until soft, about 4 minutes.  Remove the onions and capsicum and set aside.

Add the beef mince to the pot and brown, about 5 minutes.  Return the onions and capsicum to the pot.  Now add the cooking tomato sauce, the beef bouillon, the seasonings, and bring to a boil.  Once its boiling, stir in the 5 cups of rice.  Reduce the heat to medium low and put a cover on the pot. 

Let the liquid simmer with the rice for approximately 20 - 25 minutes.  Stir occasionally to make sure the bottom of the pot is not burning, and reduce the heat further if necessary to avoid it.  You may have to go the other direction and increase the heat if there's still a lot of liquid and crunchy rice.  With every stove we have and every brand of rice, the cooking time and liquid to rice ratio is slightly different, so be patient, adding liquid and heat if necessary.

Once the rice is soft and liquid fully absorbed, keep the lid on but remove the pot from the heat and let sit for 5 minutes before serving. 

Clean Dinners Under $12 - Roasted Kielbasa and Rosemary Potatoes

 

 

Roasted Kielbasa and Rosemary Potatoes

 

image courtesy of www.cooking-in-college.com

 

 

I hesitate to call this recipe clean, since sausage by definition is processed.  However, meat processing varies, and there are some fantastic, high quality sausages on our grocery shelves.  With the right brand selection, this meal can be a healthy option for the family.

 

We have been off this recipe for a while because we were having it too frequently.  I don't know if it was the chilly winter rains or the fact that red potatoes are really cheap right now, but it's made a come back.  We love the heartiness, full flavour, and ease of this dish.

 

Roasted Kielbasa and Rosemary Potatoes

 

WARNING: Serves 10-12, recipe can be halved

 

1 kielbasa, sliced into coins (variations:  3-4 chorizo or pre-cooked sausage links) ($5)

10 fist sized red potatoes, chopped into large dices unpeeled ($2.50)

1/2 cup olive oil ($.50 for this and remaining items)

1/4 cup fresh or dried parsley

1 TBSP dried rosemary, chopped

salt, pepper, and cayenne to taste

 

Preheat the oven to 220 C or 375 F. 

 

Line a very large roasting pan with aluminium foil.  I use the broiler pan from my oven because it is the largest thing I can find.  Toss all the ingredients together and stir until the oil and seasonings are evenly distributed.  Try your best to create a single layer. 

 

Bake for 45-55 minutes, stirring twice during baking.  Your meal is done when the potatoes and sausages are crispy and brown but soft all the way through. 

 

Serve with beautiful vegetables you find at the market (brussel sprouts and carrot medley $2) and a baguette of crusty bread. ($2)

 





Clean Dinners Under $12 - Hawaiian Haystacks

Hawaiian Haystacks

Toppings

1/2 package raw spinach, chopped  ($2)
1/2 a celery head, diced ($1.50)
2 cups shredded carrot (.50)
1 cup sliced black olives (.75)
1 can diced pineapple (.85)
1 diced tomato ($1)
Crispy Chinese Noodles ($1.25)
shredded coconut, optional
slivered almonds, optional

Other topping ideas....kidney or garbanzo beans, bean sprouts, mushrooms, broccoli, daikon, corn, shredded cheese, maraschino cherries, and mandarin oranges.  I like to use what is on hand.  Arrange toppings in a buffet style so everyone can build their own haystacks.

 

 

For the Chicken and Sauce 
(Teriyaki sauce instead of a white sauce is good, too)

1 chicken breast, cut into small dices ($3)
4 tbsp. butter ($1.15 for the remaining items)
1 cup flour
3 cups chicken broth
1 + cup milk
salt, pepper, cayenne, and parsley flakes, to taste

In a hot skillet, melt a small pat of butter.  Add the diced chicken and sauté until brown on the outside and no longer pink in the middle, about 7 minutes.  Remove from the skillet.  Melt the remaining butter in the skillet, and add the flour and mix until combined.  Cook for 1 minute until the raw flour taste is gone.  Add hot chicken broth and simmer, stirring constantly until its a consistency of thick gravy.  Add the milk and seasonings, stirring until smooth.  Add more milk until you find the desired thickness.  Return the cooked chicken to the sauce, and remove from heat.

For the Rice

5 cups short or medium grain rice ($1)
7 cups water

Wash the rice thoroughly.  Add rice and water to the rice cooker and press cook.  Let sit for 5 minutes after it's done, then fluff with a fork.


Start each plate with a cup of rice and create a well in the centre for catching sauce, then allow everyone to build their own haystack. 

Enjoy!

Large Family Logistics - How To Teach Kids Poise

The friends and family who know us well are snickering right now, because we aren't exactly the poster family for poise.  However, we want to be, and experts need to start at the beginning don't they?

Poise has been on my mind for a while now, but I was inspired by one of my favourite blogs The Daily Connoisseur to address the cultivating of poise in children.  I love that I'm not the only one who sees the common void of poise in society, particularly of concern is the sloppy, derogatory behaviour portrayed in the media directed at children.  (Happy Gilmore is a classic example of the Anti-Poise).  I would like to add to her thoughts that social skills like poise, good grooming, and manners help kids and teens have a positive self-image that they desperately need right now.  Skills such as poise can help them stand out in a competitive world and lead them to more successful lives.

What is Poise?

Poise is presenting yourself in a dignified manner through grooming, posture, behaviour, attitudes, composure, and restraint.  Poise is not arrogance, it is gentle words, thoughts, and treatment.

Let's get started........

HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS POISE

1.  Start with cleanliness - Bathe daily, have a well-maintained hair cut, excellent oral care, and tidy clothing.  Help your child form good habits, creating a cheat sheet to-do list on the bathroom mirror if it will help.  Sometimes kids are resistant, but try inspiring them by buying a fun spinning toothbrush, setting up a reward system, or reading books about grooming.  Teach them not to do their grooming in public, including clipping nails or cleaning out their ears.  Never pick at body parts in public.  Hopefully the children react by feeling better about themselves, which is the greatest reward. 

Maintain a clean bedroom, backpack, desk at school, and possessions such as bikes or scooters.  Talk to your child about the benefits of being organized, knowing where everything is, and keeping things in good working order and set aside times to accomplish these things together until they show independence. 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

2.  Dress your best - Regularly check clothing for holes, fraying, stains, and proper fit.  Teach your children to become expert stain removers, how to repair simple holes, and sewing on buttons.  Hang clothing immediately out of the dryer, or teach your child how to iron and use starch.  I am of the opinion that collared shirts are much nicer than T-shirts, though I do like the way they look layered.  Each child should have belts that match their shoes and know how to tuck in their shirts properly.  Explain to children how we dress appropriately for different occasions and weather conditions.  Check yourself in a mirror before you leave the house each day, and never hide your hands in your pockets.

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

3.  Posture - Head should be up with the chin level with the floor to facilitate eye contact.  Shoulders should be relaxed, chest slightly out, and abdomen slightly in.  Arms should be held at the sides.  The back should be straight.  When sitting, keep the torso and head as when you are standing, but either cross the legs or put them together and softly set to the side.  Never sit with your legs apart.  Never rock back on your hind chair legs, keep your hands in your lap or within your personal space.  Never slouch, hunch, or lean.  If the chair or couch is a fluffy one, sit on the edge so its easier to keep posture.  Enter a room with the intention of leaving it exactly the way it should be.

Traditionally, children were expected to balance a book on their head while they walked to practice poise.  You're welcome to set up a relay race if you feel so inclined.  Explain to children to maintain an open body posture (torso aimed at the group, avoid turning your back to people, avoid folding your arms and twitching your legs to give a bored or unimpressed appearance).

Posture is easier to keep when you have toned muscles.  If you're serious about poise, enrol your child in ballet, ballroom, or gymnastics where they will be educated further about presenting themselves gracefully.

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

4.  Be Gentle -  This is difficult, because the trend in society is harshness.  The media continues to portrait women in violent roles against their nature, and both men and women are portrayed as unfeeling killers.  Consider the exposure your kids have to the hardening of the world, and determine if changes need to be made in entertainment and activities to promote kindness and find good role models.  Explain that being kind to your enemies is not cowardly, it's being strong.  Gentleness is not weakness at all, in fact it is self-control.  Some rules of being gentle:

• Speak softly, never yell. 
• Step slowly, never run.
• Be calm, never stress.
• Sooth others, never hurt.
• Touch rarely, never disturb.
• Think positively, never dismay.

 

 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

 

5.  Smile and Demeanour - Teach your kids to be cheerful as often as possible, but in a courteous way.  Laughing loudly, knee slapping, and joking too much is rude.  However, so is a Debbie Downer, saying "I'm bored", being listless, pouting and whining.  Hold a mirror up to the child's face and let them see how they look.  Better than that, video tape them and play it back.  Discuss how their emotions, attitudes, and behaviours affect everyone around them and contribute to their reputation and people's opinion of you.  Being positive in dark moments is not fake, it is being hopeful and optimistic. 

 

 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

6.  Conflict Resolution - I get so embarrassed for the parents who scream at the referee during their kids' games, or the adult who can't get beyond racial or religious differences (the world is big enough for all types, people).  I feel sorry for drivers who can't control their road rage.  I'm disappointed in the poor decisions made by people in the public eye who can't admit mistakes or swallow their pride.  Sportsmanship, teamwork, peace making, empathy, humility and problem solving are skills we should expect of our kids and ourselves.  When you notice people behaving badly, tell your kids about it and discuss what could have been done instead.  Walk them through their own conflict resolutions and let them explore actions that will wield the best results.  Surprise them and ask for their advice in a sticky situation you are encountering. 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

7.  Boundaries - Having boundaries means limiting your actions to what is considerate to others.  This is a really broad term, but I'm going to list some essentials.

• Never use or touch other people's belongings without asking, and when you do, treat it delicately.  Replace or compensate if you break something. 
• Never enter the private areas or upstairs of other people's homes or invite yourself over/in
• Never enter someone else's personal space (18 inches to 3 feet surrounding a person)
• Talk to adults as superiors, and address them with their appropriate titles Mr., Mrs, or Doctor, or President, never casually like you do your friends
• Shake hands with males, but males should never extend a hand to a female.  Females can choose who they want to extend a hand to.
• Think before you speak.  Is it pertinent?  Is it true?  Is it essential?  Is it kind?  Do I have the authority to share that information?  Will it be interesting to them? 
• Never yell for someone's attention, go to them personally

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

8.  Choose Your Words Wisely - Swearing will never be acceptable to someone with poise, as well as potty humour or crude talk.  Sometimes adults have common terms that have become acceptable in society that are actually quite vulgar, so never say something that you aren't completely sure what it means or where it came from.  Teach the children to look straight into someone's eyes when they are talking, and give a clear, concise response.  Gossip, negativity, sarcasm, and mockery should never be initiated by you, and if you are pulled into a conversation, divert it or politely leave the conversation.  Never advise or criticize unless your opinion is specifically asked for.  Never boast or dominate conversations.  Don't be one of those people who is turning every conversation back around to themselves, one upping every story rather than showing sympathy.  Never include yourself in someone else's conversation, and don't start conversations that are loud enough that strangers can't avoid.

My list may not be all encompassing, but it is a decent beginning.  We will be working on these ideas in our Family Home Evenings and practicing these behaviours at home to see what needs to be added to the list.

What are your thoughts on poise in our society?

How do you plan on increasing poise in your children?

Are there any recommendations that you do not agree with?