Bringing Back Dinnertime

Bringing Back Dinnertime 

 

There have been times when I have absolutely dreaded the task of providing dinner for my mega family.  Mealtime at our house seems to be hours of preparation, then 5 minutes of frantic animalistic face-stuffing.  Our schedules are so chaotic, everyone eats at different times and we barely even see each other.  I get criticism and ingratitude for my effort when I’m trying to get everyone to eat clean while keeping to a strict food budget (you can spend a fortune on food if you allow yourself to, and with large families this is particularly true).   I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “THIS is what we’re having for dinner?  WHERE'S THE BEEF?” I’m guilty of turning to Dominoes or the Golden Arches for a quick fix.  Like all of you, I want better for my family but the effort seems not worth the trouble.


Then something happened that changed my attitude.   One of my teenage daughters was struggling with her body image and lost her normal feelings of self-worth.  I asked her what we could do as her parents to remind her that she’s loved.  To my surprise, her answer was “I know you love me when we sit down and we have dinner together as a family.”  Her simple plea for more family time at the table reminded me that food is only a small portion of what mealtime is about.  I became determined to improve the dinner hour and really ‘feed’ my family.  Here are 8 of the ideas we are trying to implement that nurture body and soul:

1. Set the time aside as the Dinner Hour–Remember when it was impolite to call other people from 5-7PM because it was dinnertime?  Decide what hour is your dinner hour and expect EVERYONE to be there, hands washed, and most importantly…turn off the digital distractions!
2. Start with a Prayer/ Say Grace/ Meditate–Whatever it is your family does to take a moment and express gratitude for the preparation of the food and the fact that you are more fortunate than a large population of the world who has no dinner tonight.
3. Participation is Key–Small children 4-6 years old can peel carrots, stir the lemonade, and set the table.  6-10 year olds can chop veggies, roll out dough, boil pasta, or set the rice cooker.  Teenagers benefit from being completely in charge of dinner.  Expect a lot of burned casseroles and fallen cakes, but you’re preparing them to be capable adults and isn’t that the point?  Your daughter-in-laws with thank you.
4. Pull out the China–You’re also going to pull out linen table cloths, cloth napkins, chasers, and stemware.  Yes, it’s going to break.  Yes, it’s over the top.  Please try this before shutting me down.  It doesn’t need to be expensive or your grandma’s heirlooms. But be honest, does your dinner table need a makeover?   There is something about detail and effort that signals to the kids that this is a time for good behaviour.  Practice manners like “May I Be Excused?” “Please Pass the —-,“ teach etiquette, and expect respect.  Over time you will find that this separates your kids from a world of Honey Boo Boos.   When your son is at his first dinner job interview, he will thank you.
5. Discussion and Intimacy–My brother Brian found a simple, unique way to express his love for his wife and 4 kids at dinnertime.  He enters the dining room and places his hands on the shoulders of each of his kids, kisses their forehead and asks them about their day.  The kids find this soothing and have admitted that this face to face contact has helped them avoid making mistakes in life because they don’t want to disappoint Dad.  Find your own way to express your love and be consistent.

6.  Have a First Course–This is a simple salad, a thin soup, or perhaps fresh veggie sticks and dips.  The goal is clean, nutritious, cheap, and classy.  This is a good time to introduce new foods and expand the repertoire.  At first it might seem like extra effort and expense but I found that something magical happens.  As long as your first course costs less than your main course, you will SAVE money on groceries.  They eat less main course, creating more leftovers, which means less cooking, and spending less money.  We now get an entire extra dinner out of leftovers when before we never had any.  The second magical thing is it adds another 15 minutes to dinnertime.  This means more family interaction, more resting and digesting, and dinner becomes a calming experience at the end of their day. 

7.  Second (Main) course - Re-evaluate your main courses.  Most families only have 8 meals they have regularly and rotate.  Ask yourself....Why do we choose these recipes?  Are they in line with what we currently understand about nutrition?  Update and consider your family's tastes and ages so that everyone can look forward to a satisfying mealtime together.  The old adage "You are what you eat" is still true, and my clever kiddos told me that should be "Sunshine and Rain."  Your dinner should have grown outside.  If you are using a lot of boxes, packaging, and tins to make dinner, you need some new recipes.

8. Third course -  This can be a dessert course or a cheese course.  Typically we will have a fruit based dessert such as apple tart or plums with whipped cream.  If I'm short on time, we serve camembert, crackers, and tomato juice.  I try to make enough tart or cut fruit to have plenty of leftovers.  This is as a base for tomorrow's breakfast so the kids can just add it to hot or cold cereals.  Being prepared for the morning feels amazing.

Most first courses store well in the fridge, so you aren’t reinventing the wheel every night.  Make a huge pot of soup over the weekend in a two-handled pot that just gets reheated as needed, and it may last 2-3 meals.  Store your courses on a TV tray or platter that stays assembled in the fridge, ready for another night.  Apply patience!  Our first multi-course meal didn’t go great…It went pretty terribly.  Everyone wanted to rush back to what they’d been doing.  It wasn’t until the first night I MISSED a first course that I saw the effects it had on the little tigers.  I got, “Hey mom, WHERE'S THE SALAD?”

I win.  Enough said.

How To Do 3 Kids in Cloth Diapers Like A Boss

Have you ever had multiple kids in diapers?  Whether you choose disposables or cloth, you may feel like all you do is diapers.  Cloth is a little extra work, but with good organization, it can be a breeze.  Moms have various reasons, but I do cloth to save money.  For the price of one month of disposables, I can buy or make a set of cloth that lasts several years and sometimes, several kids.  For a large family, thousands of dollars can be saved and redirected elsewhere. 

Plus I think they're adorable :) 

I'm about to begin my 3rd round of 3 kids in diapers at the same time, and I've learned a thing or two about cloth.  I realize not everyone is going to have the same methods, but here's  HOW TO CLOTH DIAPER FOR MULTIPLE CHILDREN LIKE A BOSS:

1.  Adjustable snap nappies - If you've got multiple children, you're going to want ONE SIZE FITS ALL nappies so every nappy adapts to every baby.  This is practical for single child families, too, because they can grow with the baby.  Why snaps?  Because they tend to last longer than Velcro.  I do love the Velcro, too, but if you're going for a set that will last, snaps are your best bet.

2.  Have a huge inventory - Buy or hand make at least 15 nappy outers per child.  I have approximately 50 outers for 3 children. If all the nappies are dirty, you find yourself having to wash too frequently, you will burn out or be tempted to buy disposables in a pinch.  Have a huge inventory of plastic pants (I recommend 10-15), pre-folds (50-60), inserts (20-30), liners (20-30), and cloth wipes (50-60).  With 3 in diapers, there will be days where you simply can't get to the laundry like you want to, and being well stocked will set your mind at ease. 

You don't need to spend a fortune on supplies.  I was able to purchase all the above second hand online for a total of $70, and I was given a few hand me downs.  Making your supplies is a great option.  You may even have materials laying around the house right now.

3.  How to clean the nappies so they come out looking brand new - I use a wet pail method of pre-soaking (the dry pail method only stained my pre-folds and stunk).  With the wet pail method, the nappies are soaking as long as I need them to until laundry day.  I have no stains, and no lingering odours. 

TO PRE-SOAK NAPPIES: Fill a 5 gallon bucket half way with cool water.  Add a scoop of Vanish, NapiSan, or OxiClean and a scoop of laundry detergent.  Stir until dissolved.  Soiled nappies get rinsed by a sprayer or brushed into the toilet to remove as much solid as possible, then go into the wet bucket solution face down until washing day.  Keep the wet pail near the washing machine, up and away from toddler access.  Ours is in the garage, so no smells penetrate the house.  The Vanish gets rid of any smell anyway.

TO WASH:  Wash the nappies in the washing machine with the maximum amount of water, on either a cool or warm water setting (hot will set a stain).  Limit your load to about 15 nappies.  Add a normal amount of laundry soap and 1 scoop of Vanish, NapiSan, or Oxiclean to your load.  Use 1 cup of vinegar in the rinse cycle to kill odours. I like to do an extra rinse to remove as much detergent as possible.  This is optional, but it keeps the pre-folds nice and thirsty.

*Note some people are very particular about the type of laundry soap used on cloth diapers.  I make my laundry soap, so I know its a gentle recipe and free of harsh chemicals, but there are great brands out there designed specifically for cloth diapers.  That being said, most moms I know use store bought, everyday detergents with fine results.

TO DRY:  Cloth nappies do best when air dried on a clothes line where they can be exposed to the sunlight.  If you prefer an automatic dryer, avoid using the hot setting.  Hot heat will damage your elastic and plastic linings over time.  Use the cool or warm setting and your nappies will stay looking fabulous for a really long time.

4.  Strip nappies every 3 months - Over time the fibres of your cloth will collect residue from laundry soap, causing them to repel liquid and leak.  To strip the nappies of residue, wash the entire inventory of nappies, inserts, and liners.  Begin by running a load using cool water.   Instead of laundry soap, add a half cup of dish soap.  Rinse the load once with 1 cup of vinegar, then run an additional rinse cycle.  Dry as usual.

5.  Make it convenient - Set up several diaper changing stations around your home, especially if you have a big or multi-level home.  Create a station in the nursery, where you bathe the babies, near the night time feedings, and where they go down for naps.  Equip all these areas with cloth wipes and wipe solution.  Another convenient preparation is having additional wet pails set up in discrete places, just be sure to keep out of kids' reach.   

6.  Creating a leak-proof nappy -  Wrapping your baby in a cloth diaper is an art, especially if you have babies like mine who really know how to pee and have skinny legs.  I've collected tips from friends and my own trial and error to come up with a leak-proof method. 

-THE LAYERS: I use a nappy cover, a pre-folded cloth, an insert, and a liner.  Some nappies already have a built in insert, allowing us to skip the removable one.  The liner is meant to hopefully catch all the solids so we can just spray that down into the toilet without soiling the other layers.  Liners can be disposable, but I've got many cut pieces of a micro suede type fabric that work like a charm.

-FOLD IT CORRECTLY: A friend taught me to fold the pre-folds in the opposite direction that you think they should go (so they are shorter, rather than longer).  This way the most amount of layers are placed in the centre of the diaper.  Some people pin their pre-folds at the sides, I've never had to do this, since the cover holds it pretty well in place.

-WHEN IN DOUBT, ADD PLASTIC PANTS:  I cover my nappy covers with a pair of plastic pants when we leave the house and at bedtime.  This extra layer has never let me down.  Think of your nappy covers as water resistant, they aren't necessarily water proof.  If you've ever had a baby with skinny legs, you'll find this tip particularly useful.  And who couldn't use insurance against the untimely blow outs? 

Yes, cloth diapers are a little more work, but I love not having to rely on store brands, saving money, and using gentle products on my babies.  Their little brightly coloured bums look so cute running around outside. 

What tips do you have that you'd like to share?

Large Family Logistics - How To Get Kids To Love Reading (And Strengthen Your Family At The Same Time)

 

How To Get Kids To Love Reading

(And Strengthen Your Family At The Same Time)

 





Parenting has gotten tricky lately for those of us who want to avoid the mediocrity (and degradation) of today's pop culture.  My husband and I decided to get aggressive against negative influences on our kids, -not to isolate them entirely-, but to fill their minds with the best this world has to offer while they develop.  Quality entertainment is out there, but filtering the bad is a must. 

My concern about today's entertainment is not only that the majority of it is amoral, but also anti-intellectual.  The video culture has trumped the print culture, creating a dumbing down of society.  People are reading less, losing the ability to concentrate for short periods of time, and make rational, educated decisions. 

In my opinion, success in school and life can be boosted by reading often, and loving it! 

Here's what we've done to create a house of reading:

How To Get Kids To Read

1.  Digitally Disconnect -  To really encourage kids to read more, reading needs to become the most appealing activity in the home. We removed cable TV and limited movies early in the learning-to-read process, around the time our oldest child was 5 years old and filled each room with books.  Our kid's video games are also limited to strategy or educational games, weekends only, for our 5-12 year olds.  As the children grow into teenagers and have established a love for reading, we allow socially interactive games so kids can hang out with their friends online.

EXCEPTION:  E-books can be wonderful, especially for large families!  We find the children who are just learning to read prefer holding a real book, so I would wait on buying your kiddo a tablet or e-reader until you know if your child will take to reading on it.  But generally, I would say the e-readers have allowed our bigger kids age 10 and up to read MORE books because of the convenience factor.  Having a family Kindle account is the best!

image courtesy of www.favim.com

 

2.  Read to you children - Read chapter books that you genuinely enjoy to the children, one chapter a night.... from birth then even when they already know how to read.  Reading aloud has many advantages like expanding the vocabulary for challenging books.  We can give quality time to several kids simultaneously, and we all have something to talk about when we are together.  Kids walk away with the knowledge that their parents consider reading important, and usually follow suit. 

image courtesy of www.youthlitreviews.com

3.  Find the right book series for each child- Kids who hate reading may have just not found a book they like yet.  Great starting series for boys and girls are Magic Tree House, Goosebumps, Captain Underpants, and Junie B. Jones.  Don't give up!  There is a book out there for everyone.

image courtesy of www.laughinggiraffebooks.com

 

4.  Subscribe to magazines -  Even stubborn readers can't resist a bright magazine, and there are some fantastic publications available for kids.  Appleseeds, Weekly Reader, National Geographic for Kids, Highlights, Kids Discover, Sports Illustrated for Kids, and Ranger Rick are fun to have on the coffee table.  The kids think we're alleviating their boredom, but we've just tricked them into reading.

image courtesy of www.nytimes.com

 

5.  Watch the movie when they've finished the book - Back when Harry Potter was new, we started a habit of reading books, then seeing the movie.  We found ourselves (and our kids) racing to finish books and wanting everyone else to finish it so we can finally talk about it.  We discuss the morality of the book, what makes a character likeable, motives, and how the author inserted foreshadowing, irony, comic relief or climaxes.  When the movie does come out, we make a huge event of it.  Now we look for upcoming movies based on books that will be appropriate for all of us, or we hunt down older film versions of a classic story and determine our favourite.

image courtesy of www.momtastic.com


As a parent, I feel an obligation to my children to fill their little minds with general knowledge and give them the best chance at life.  My plan is to create a home of reading and taking the time to learn with them to build strong relationships and guide them to the best books.

How do you get your kids to read?

Do you agree that society is growing increasingly amoral and anti-intellectual? 

Do you see a dumbing down society, or has technology made us smarter?

Large Family Logistics - How To Teach Kids Poise

The friends and family who know us well are snickering right now, because we aren't exactly the poster family for poise.  However, we want to be, and experts need to start at the beginning don't they?

Poise has been on my mind for a while now, but I was inspired by one of my favourite blogs The Daily Connoisseur to address the cultivating of poise in children.  I love that I'm not the only one who sees the common void of poise in society, particularly of concern is the sloppy, derogatory behaviour portrayed in the media directed at children.  (Happy Gilmore is a classic example of the Anti-Poise).  I would like to add to her thoughts that social skills like poise, good grooming, and manners help kids and teens have a positive self-image that they desperately need right now.  Skills such as poise can help them stand out in a competitive world and lead them to more successful lives.

What is Poise?

Poise is presenting yourself in a dignified manner through grooming, posture, behaviour, attitudes, composure, and restraint.  Poise is not arrogance, it is gentle words, thoughts, and treatment.

Let's get started........

HOW TO TEACH YOUR KIDS POISE

1.  Start with cleanliness - Bathe daily, have a well-maintained hair cut, excellent oral care, and tidy clothing.  Help your child form good habits, creating a cheat sheet to-do list on the bathroom mirror if it will help.  Sometimes kids are resistant, but try inspiring them by buying a fun spinning toothbrush, setting up a reward system, or reading books about grooming.  Teach them not to do their grooming in public, including clipping nails or cleaning out their ears.  Never pick at body parts in public.  Hopefully the children react by feeling better about themselves, which is the greatest reward. 

Maintain a clean bedroom, backpack, desk at school, and possessions such as bikes or scooters.  Talk to your child about the benefits of being organized, knowing where everything is, and keeping things in good working order and set aside times to accomplish these things together until they show independence. 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

2.  Dress your best - Regularly check clothing for holes, fraying, stains, and proper fit.  Teach your children to become expert stain removers, how to repair simple holes, and sewing on buttons.  Hang clothing immediately out of the dryer, or teach your child how to iron and use starch.  I am of the opinion that collared shirts are much nicer than T-shirts, though I do like the way they look layered.  Each child should have belts that match their shoes and know how to tuck in their shirts properly.  Explain to children how we dress appropriately for different occasions and weather conditions.  Check yourself in a mirror before you leave the house each day, and never hide your hands in your pockets.

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

3.  Posture - Head should be up with the chin level with the floor to facilitate eye contact.  Shoulders should be relaxed, chest slightly out, and abdomen slightly in.  Arms should be held at the sides.  The back should be straight.  When sitting, keep the torso and head as when you are standing, but either cross the legs or put them together and softly set to the side.  Never sit with your legs apart.  Never rock back on your hind chair legs, keep your hands in your lap or within your personal space.  Never slouch, hunch, or lean.  If the chair or couch is a fluffy one, sit on the edge so its easier to keep posture.  Enter a room with the intention of leaving it exactly the way it should be.

Traditionally, children were expected to balance a book on their head while they walked to practice poise.  You're welcome to set up a relay race if you feel so inclined.  Explain to children to maintain an open body posture (torso aimed at the group, avoid turning your back to people, avoid folding your arms and twitching your legs to give a bored or unimpressed appearance).

Posture is easier to keep when you have toned muscles.  If you're serious about poise, enrol your child in ballet, ballroom, or gymnastics where they will be educated further about presenting themselves gracefully.

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

4.  Be Gentle -  This is difficult, because the trend in society is harshness.  The media continues to portrait women in violent roles against their nature, and both men and women are portrayed as unfeeling killers.  Consider the exposure your kids have to the hardening of the world, and determine if changes need to be made in entertainment and activities to promote kindness and find good role models.  Explain that being kind to your enemies is not cowardly, it's being strong.  Gentleness is not weakness at all, in fact it is self-control.  Some rules of being gentle:

• Speak softly, never yell. 
• Step slowly, never run.
• Be calm, never stress.
• Sooth others, never hurt.
• Touch rarely, never disturb.
• Think positively, never dismay.

 

 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

 

5.  Smile and Demeanour - Teach your kids to be cheerful as often as possible, but in a courteous way.  Laughing loudly, knee slapping, and joking too much is rude.  However, so is a Debbie Downer, saying "I'm bored", being listless, pouting and whining.  Hold a mirror up to the child's face and let them see how they look.  Better than that, video tape them and play it back.  Discuss how their emotions, attitudes, and behaviours affect everyone around them and contribute to their reputation and people's opinion of you.  Being positive in dark moments is not fake, it is being hopeful and optimistic. 

 

 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

6.  Conflict Resolution - I get so embarrassed for the parents who scream at the referee during their kids' games, or the adult who can't get beyond racial or religious differences (the world is big enough for all types, people).  I feel sorry for drivers who can't control their road rage.  I'm disappointed in the poor decisions made by people in the public eye who can't admit mistakes or swallow their pride.  Sportsmanship, teamwork, peace making, empathy, humility and problem solving are skills we should expect of our kids and ourselves.  When you notice people behaving badly, tell your kids about it and discuss what could have been done instead.  Walk them through their own conflict resolutions and let them explore actions that will wield the best results.  Surprise them and ask for their advice in a sticky situation you are encountering. 

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

7.  Boundaries - Having boundaries means limiting your actions to what is considerate to others.  This is a really broad term, but I'm going to list some essentials.

• Never use or touch other people's belongings without asking, and when you do, treat it delicately.  Replace or compensate if you break something. 
• Never enter the private areas or upstairs of other people's homes or invite yourself over/in
• Never enter someone else's personal space (18 inches to 3 feet surrounding a person)
• Talk to adults as superiors, and address them with their appropriate titles Mr., Mrs, or Doctor, or President, never casually like you do your friends
• Shake hands with males, but males should never extend a hand to a female.  Females can choose who they want to extend a hand to.
• Think before you speak.  Is it pertinent?  Is it true?  Is it essential?  Is it kind?  Do I have the authority to share that information?  Will it be interesting to them? 
• Never yell for someone's attention, go to them personally

Artist Johann F. Dietler, images courtesy www.iamachild.wordpress.com

8.  Choose Your Words Wisely - Swearing will never be acceptable to someone with poise, as well as potty humour or crude talk.  Sometimes adults have common terms that have become acceptable in society that are actually quite vulgar, so never say something that you aren't completely sure what it means or where it came from.  Teach the children to look straight into someone's eyes when they are talking, and give a clear, concise response.  Gossip, negativity, sarcasm, and mockery should never be initiated by you, and if you are pulled into a conversation, divert it or politely leave the conversation.  Never advise or criticize unless your opinion is specifically asked for.  Never boast or dominate conversations.  Don't be one of those people who is turning every conversation back around to themselves, one upping every story rather than showing sympathy.  Never include yourself in someone else's conversation, and don't start conversations that are loud enough that strangers can't avoid.

My list may not be all encompassing, but it is a decent beginning.  We will be working on these ideas in our Family Home Evenings and practicing these behaviours at home to see what needs to be added to the list.

What are your thoughts on poise in our society?

How do you plan on increasing poise in your children?

Are there any recommendations that you do not agree with?

Large Family Logistics - How Do You Afford All Those Kids? 6 Ways We Provide For Our Large Family On One Income - Reader's Question Answered

Large family living is a strange concept for some, especially when it comes to money.  I get a lot of questions about our finances, what my husband does for a living, whether or not we are on government assistance, and how we manage to live on one income.  People often make assumptions about us that range from "Wow you must be really rich!" to "Wow you must be really poor!", and neither of these statements are true.   We're just DIFFERENT.  Let me show 6 Ways We Provide for Our Large Family On One Income.

We have taken advantage of the practical skills we have learned through our church, our parents, and through our own personal study.  My husband and I made our college education a priority for each of us, he has a Master's degree in Computer Science and I am a Registered Nurse, though I do not work currently.  His education has allowed him to get a job to support a growing family, and I use what I've learned at home to care for my family and keep our medical expenses low.  All these factors contribute to our ability to provide for the family and need to be mentioned.

6 Ways We Provide For Our Large Family On One Income

1.  We Don't Spend Too Much On Housing
Housing is by far the largest expense for most families, and saving on housing is a dramatic way to increase the disposable income left over each pay check.  I did some research and found these facts from NZ Government Statistics:

• the bulk of New Zealand households spend 25-40% of their income on housing (Americans spend even more, more out of choice than requirement, depending on the region)
• our family spends 18% of our income on housing, about half of the social norm

The result is we look poorer than we are and maybe live in an area that might be below our income's standards.  We do NOT have a large home.  There are 11 of us in approximately 1300 square ft.  That's 4 bedrooms/2 bathrooms.  We're cool with this, though.  The sacrifice is temporary while we're focusing on raising our family.  *Added bonus, the desire to keep up with your neighbours is reduced when they have less than you.

 

2.  We Do Not Drive Flashy Cars
To avoid debt, we've paid cash for our cars OR bought cars that we can pay off painlessly within one year.  There have been periods of time when we have only had one car for all 11 of us, having to take 2 trips while we saved up for the second vehicle.  Yes, it was a little embarrassing and cumbersome, but our family is free of financial strain, and that makes for a happy home.  My husband saves a significant amount money each week by taking the bus into the city.  He has a 20 minute walk each way, but he finds it invigorating.

• let other people pay interest on an auto loan, its not for us
• older cars cost less to insure and make great cars for teenage drivers
• public transportation is a beautiful thing

3.  We Cook From Scratch
A trip to McDonald's for Combo Meals and Happy Meals would cost my family $83, but only if no one upgraded anything.  I guarantee they'd all be hungry in an hour.  I can make my Spicy Ranch Burgers and Rosemary Roasted Potatoes for under $20, and that would include rolls, a green salad, and dessert.  With a little ingenuity, we spend less on food per person than many of our 'small' family friends.

• when we splurge for fast food, we get $1 drinks or $ .70 ice cream cones
• dinners are selected from a list of meals I've priced to cost $12 or under
• kids and husband typically take home-prepared lunches
• we practice many cooking techniques to save on convenience foods like tortillas, breads, pasta, sauces, yogurt, and curries
• we don't have expensive habits like coffee, alcohol, or smoking

4.  We Are OK With Second Hand Clothing and Furniture
Some readers might squirm at the thought of having stuff that has been used by someone else, and I confess I struggle with this still on occasion in some categories.  For a large family on a budget, second hand is just a part of life.  Over the last 20 years I have evolved from believing it was shameful, to thinking 'hey this makes sense', to 'wow, what else can we get second hand?' 

Most of my friends and family know we are OK with second hand items, and like to use us as a dumping ground for their old things.  The understanding is we will go through their stuff, take what we want, and pass what we don't want on to someone else. 

• we reuse, repurpose, recycle and we're PROUD OF IT
• we sanitize everything (a $5 box of Legos from the second hand store scrubbed with a brush and soaked in bleach water over night looks EXACTLY like new ones)
• we've been known to have a lot of fun with the kids redoing furniture and making it look new again
• we've got standards.  I won't tolerate clothing or items that are dingy, stained, or ripped and know when to say "This item is no longer good enough for us".  I'm a lot more lenient on toddler clothing and play clothes, but large families need to look nice, too. 

5.  We Use Out-dated Technology and Entertainment
Have you ever noticed how quickly the value of electronics plummets as soon as the newer version is released?  We cling to the older versions and buy used games, used consoles, and I believe our laptop is a display model.  Our home phone has a cord.  Our cellular phones are pay-as-you-go and bottom of the line. We do splurge on gifts, so we do have the occasional cool gadget, but for the most part we are a good decade behind our friends.

• our movies and music are electronically purchased on Xbox Live, Netflix, and iTunes so they can be seen over and over again, and best of all, won't get lost or ruined.  We do not frequent the cinema unless its the- movie- we've- all- been- waiting- for.
• our books are all electronic on a family shared Kindle account, then we have a few family tablets to split between us all
• we don't do the library or video stores.  For some reason, we are cursed and cannot return them on time and in one piece

A rare splurge for the Avengers movie.  The cheeky grin is priceless  :)

6.  We Prepare For Financial Storms Before They Hit
Rarely do people go through this life and experience perpetual prosperity.  Storms are bound to hit, and the question is 'when' and not 'if' these storms will occur.  When trouble hits a large family, the fall is hard and recovery is long.  Prevention is our responsibility, and we take it seriously.  Here's a list of our favourite ways to prepare and sleep at night with a peace of mind that our little ones' needs will be met.

• have an emergency savings
• store food, water, fuel, and supplies
• have a network of professionals in your field who can help you find work
• develop DIY talents like gardening, sewing, animal husbandry, and home repair
• life insurance, living wills, retirement savings, and owning land are good things

Raising a large family on one income is a challenge, but with some old-fashioned tricks and self-restraint, it can be done.  We don't feel like we're missing out on anything.  In fact, my kids have told me they'd much rather have our happy family than all the gifts in the world.

"A fool and his money are easily parted." -Benjamin Franklin


Do you live on one income?
Are you willing to shop second hand?
What luxuries are you NOT willing to part with?

Large Family Logistics - 7 Baby Steps Toward a Whole Foods Diet

We want to move toward a whole foods diet.  With a stubborn family like mine, change is slow.  I've come up with 7 Baby Steps toward our goal and maybe they can help you, too. 

image courtesy www.wellandgoodnyc.com

WHY WHOLE FOODS?

Our religion advises us to eat a diet based on whole grains, vegetables, and fruits, and to eat meat sparingly.  We avoid tobacco, alcohol, coffee and caffeinated teas.  I try to stay up-to-date on nutritional studies to know exactly what foods I should be feeding my large family and teach healthy habits to the best of my ability and budget.  A diet of whole foods is true to my current research and beliefs. 

I see how marketing and convenience foods have deceived us in thinking we're eating healthy.  Our current diet is mostly empty calories, high in fat, sugar, and processed everything.  We've got to get back to more plant foods, basic grains and MODERATION of grass-fed, hormone free meat and dairy.

I love the advice given by Tosca Reno in her book The Clean Diet and I listen whole heartedly to Robyn at  www.GreenSmoothieGirl.com.  Both are women who I feel get nutrition right.

WHY NOT BECOME VEGETARIANS?

Can a family be raised without animal products?  Probably, but I would also be dealing with total anarchy from certain members of my family I love who delight in meat and dairy, and above all .... we want harmony in the home. 

So, how do I get from where we are to where we want to be?

Baby Steps Toward a Whole Foods Diet

1. The beverages we drink.  Drinking water instead of sugar drinks and colas will make the biggest impact on our health, so I started with it.  We bought 4 glass carafes for the refrigerator for the family to share.  They're beautiful, so its very inviting to drink.  Decide how best to filter water, and buy a new personal water bottle to encourage water intake, preferably made of glass or metal to avoid the chemicals that come with plastics.

• Drink 8 cups of filtered water daily
• Drink herbal teas instead of coffee and cola
• Read about kombucha and apple cider vinegar and consider adding to the daily regimen 

image courtesy of www.wineware.co.uk


2.  Increase the vegetables we eat.  The goal is to have vegetables be the base of the food pyramid.  If you're having a hard time getting the kids to eat their veggies, see my previous post here.  Even loving veggies, we still have a long way to go before veggies are the foundation of our meals.

image courtesy of www.topfoodfacts.com

• Start each day with a green smoothie.  (1 bunch of spinach, 1 bunch of kale, 2 cups water, and 3 fruit of choice) According to GreenSmoothieGirl.com, aim for 1 quart of green smoothie daily
• Buy organic when practical
• Avoid white potatoes, corn, and other starchy vegetables
• Soups, salads, and sandwiches are usually great meals to stuff with more veggies

3.  Change the grains we eat.  Plain white bread, boxed cereals, and white pasta bags are the norm in my pantry right now.  We love white sushi rice and white flour.  My plan of attack for changing to whole grains is going to need to be aggressive.

• Substitute brown rice for white
• Buy whole grain rolled or steel-cut oats instead of instant porridge
• Try a new grain like buckwheat, quinoa, bulgur, millet, barley, or farro
• Move to whole grain breads, crackers, and pastas
• Slowly phase out store bought products and baked goods entirely as you find whole grain recipes you enjoy

4. Change the fats we eat.  The word on the street is that real butter is healthier than margarine, and if we can find organic, grass fed butters, ....even better.  Coconut, olive, and flax oils are known to be better for us than butter and have their own unique nutritional benefits.  Vegetable oils are to be avoided.  Dr. Weil, who I trust immensely, still believes canola oil is good for the body, though other sources conflict.  I'll leave that up for each individual to decide.  Choose a fat that will improve on what the family currently uses and try it this week. 

Let's consider the AMOUNT of fats we consume.  Consider the possibility of replacing oil with applesauce in baking, or using non-stick pans to avoid frying in oils.  In some recipes, using half of the butter or oil doesn't affect the taste or outcome of the recipe at all, but over time will make a difference in health.

• Buy real butter (organic, grass-fed if possible)
• Upgrade to a healthier oil like coconut, olive, or flax oil
• Toss the vegetable oils and refuse to buy them again
• Choose recipes that call for less fats or make substitutions

image courtesy www.foodlve.com

5.  Change the sweets we eat.  High fructose corn syrup (found in almost every product on grocery store shelves) causes disease.  Refined sugars used in our baked goods they're now saying is not meant for human consumption because of the way it affects our blood sugar and causes inflammation, and in turn, causes disease.  Honey, real maple syrup, and molasses raise our blood sugar, too, however they are natural and have nutritional and immunity perks.  I don't know a lot about agave nectar, other than its super sweet and I don't care for it.  Stevia is a natural herbal sweetener that doesn't affect your blood sugar, and is superior to all the other mentioned sweeteners.  Artificial sweeteners are BAD for us, and should be avoided at all costs.

• Read the labels of store products and search for undesirable sugars and sugar substitutes
• Buy honey, molasses, maple, and stevia for family use
• Limit refined sugars to special occasions, or not at all

6.  Look at the dairy products we eat.  Even though everyone in the family is free of milk allergies and loves dairy, I have gone without diary temporarily during cleanses or dieting and was surprised at the remarkable improvement on how I felt and looked.  Again, I don't want to eliminate this category entirely, but I want to find moderation for the family.  We're very lucky, on the outskirts of Auckland there are gorgeous tiny goat milk farms that make their own cheeses and dairy products.  The goal is to avoid the hormones added at large, mainstream farms.  I prefer pasteurized milk to raw, though some believe the nutritional benefits to raw outweigh the threat of outbreaks (like Listeria) in milk.  I prefer to get my nutrition elsewhere and not pick up disease.  To each his own.

• Find a local source of organic cheeses and milk products
• Make our own yogurt from the local milk
• Read about and experiment with kefir
• Make our own nut milks, when cost efficient

image courtesy www.cheese-types.com


7.  Make a collection of whole foods recipes that look good.  Put them somewhere new, like a new binder, or a new folder on the computer.  If there are existing whole foods diet recipes the family loves, put them in a separate category of the collection for the recipes already tried. Out with the old, in with the new.  If there aren't any recipes yet, don't worry.  In this step we just want to create a place to be organized.

• Buy a recipe binder or other index type way of storing recipes
• If you prefer the computer, create a place to store new whole foods recipes
• Place existing whole foods recipes in the new collection

There are many more steps we could take to move toward whole foods, but this list is a good start for me and my family and where we are right now. 

How do you change the eating habits of a large family?

Which choices do you think should take priority and have the biggest impact on health?

Large Family Logisitics - Finding Time For Each Child

"How do you find time for each child?"

I get this question a lot.  There's really no way to reply in 10 words or less, so I usually smile and say, "It's not easy!"

Let me share what we do and what feels successful to us right now.

 

 

If you're looking for ways to find more quality time for your child, I suggest making a list of goals for you and your child so that the time you spend together is as meaningful as possible.

 

What is it you are trying to achieve? 

What message do you want your child to get? 

What feelings do you want your child to walk away with?
What activity can be done to accomplish this?



 

 

Here are mine. 

 

 

*  I want my child to know they are loved by me and they're a valuable part of a supportive family.

 

*  I want to give them regular focused, positive attention.

 

*  I want to do age appropriate activities that will draw us closer together and develop life skills that lead to their independence.

 

*  I want to teach them choices to avoid and which choices will lead them ultimately to happiness, please Heavenly Father, and bring them success.

 

*  I want an established trust in me, Dad, and the Lord so when tough times come along, my child will know what source they can turn to for peace.

 

 

 

When I look at these goals, I realize that in order to accomplish this, it's going to take a lot more than just 'scheduling my child in' and 'weekend date nights' aren't going to cut it. If that is all you have to work with, then you do the best with what you can.  Persistent, life-long commitments to each kiddo are going to be required.  I've got to be devoted.  I've got to Un-Busy myself.

I'm not saying stop everything we're doing and give 100% of our time to our children from now on and lose our identity in meeting their every need.  Quite the opposite...kids benefit from an interesting, confident, and multi-faceted parent.  I am suggesting we involve our children in the different aspects of who we are, our interests, our work, and our favourite things and bring them with us on our journey in personal development.

1.  Incorporate your children in your daily rituals.  My kids are part of who I am and what I do every day.  They know my thoughts, my work, my hobbies and interests because they do them with me.  We interact as part of our daily rituals like getting the mail, cooking, and cleaning.  Its tricky if you are not the primary care giver, the child goes to daycare, or you have a nanny but it can be done.

2.  Find interests that you and your child both genuinely enjoy.  Do them on an on-going basis.  For toddlers, this can be as simple as a stroller ride every Monday morning to the corner store to get drinks.  My husband used to play card games with his friends before we were married.   Now he plays with the teenagers every Saturday night, and everyone loves it.  They never run out of things to talk about.  My kids like to help me with the photography and production of this blog.  We're learning together.

3.  Be available to listen to your child as much as humanly possible. I know way more about Pokémon than any adult female should.  Boys who love to talk to their Mom grow up to be men who love to talk to their Moms.  I hope my boys and girls always love to talk to their Mom.  I have to focus really hard sometimes to not do the mindless, "Uh-huh", but to ask questions as their talking.  After a good conversation, I can sense my child walks away with a satisfied feeling of just having got everything off their chest, and usually an excitement to move on to the next thing.  I don't even provide solutions necessarily, just a listening ear.

4.  Provide attention before they seek it. Give sincere, thoughtful compliments verbally or written so they can refer to it any time they need to.  A backrub, hand massage, or a special ice cream run for just the two of you makes a kiddo feel cherished.  I prefer these to be spontaneous.  When these events are scheduled, they seem forced, and completely against the point.  Look for these opportunities and take them!  I like this method, too, because I can do it when its convenient for me.

5.  Write down what they tell you.  Remember who and what is important to them, their fears, concerns, and ask them about them.  Never divulge their secrets.  Keep their confidence just like you would any other friend.  Now when you have a moment, you can ask the child about it.

6.  Be involved in their education.  Reading to them or going over homework together is great one-on-one time that shows them how important education is to you.  With the older kids, we like to read a book, then go see the movie.  It gives us a lot to talk about, whether we agree with actions the hero or villain took, what we would have done instead, or how could they have handled things differently.

7.  Serve your child with love. Doing things FOR your child can bring you closer.  Whenever the weather is poor, I surprise my kids by picking them up from school.  This simple act means a lot to them, as they have told me many times. 

8.  Remove your digital distractions.  Keep TV, video games, phones, iPods, etc. to a healthy level.  Remember you'll need human connections in order to achieve your goals.

9.  Set goals together.  Discuss your expectations for your child with them, and ask their expectations of themselves.  Goals like college, saving for a large item, or achieving their best at sports or school can let the child know you are their greatest supporter and that their life-long goals are reachable with you on their side.


Finding time for each child can be difficult in a large family, but a lot of the above items can be done when you have time or during other activities. 

What are your tricks to finding time for each child? 

What goals have you set with your kiddos?

Large Family Logistics - Clean Dinners under $12 - Curried Lentil Soup

Curried Lentil Soup has been an Anderson favourite for almost a decade now.  When I tried it the first time, I was actually just making it for myself, I didn't think anyone in the family would eat it.  I ended up not getting any because they loved it so much and this recipe is THAT good.

Now we serve it with Naan flatbread, or serve it over jasmine rice on Day 2 when it has thickened up. 

This is one of the least expensive meals I make, often costing less than $5 if the pantry is well-stocked.  Not pictured, garlic, bell pepper, and stock.

You can use the crockpot for this recipe.  High for 4 hours, Low for 6 hours.  Stop peeking!  Its not done yet.

Curried Lentil Soup

WARNING:  Serves 10-12, recipe can be halved

1 yellow onion, chopped

 3 cloves garlic, minced

1 bell pepper (any color), chopped

1 cup celery, chopped

1 cup carrots, sliced

1 jalepeno, diced OPTIONAL

2 large potatoes, diced

12 cups water

12 chicken or vegetable stock

2 1/2 cups brown or red lentils

1 teaspoon garam masala

2 tablespoon curry powder (or turmeric)

1 teaspoon powdered ginger

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cardamom OPTIONAL

1/2 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin

1 tablespoon olive oil

 salt and pepper to taste

1. In large pot, sauté the onions, peppers, celery, and carrots in a little olive oil for about 5 minutes. Add garlic, sauté 30 seconds.
2. Add the rest of the ingredients. Bring to a boil for a few minutes then simmer until the lentils and potatoes are soft.  (My lentils have never taken longer than 20 minutes to cook)
3. Puree half the soup in a food processor or blender. Return the pureed soup to the pot, stir and enjoy! 

Large Family Logistics - Clean Dinners under $12 - Crock Pot Beef Vegetable Stew

 

NZ Beef is $16.99/kg, not the most frugal thing on the planet.  Beef Stew is a great way to use beef and stick to my goal of $12 per dinner or $1 per person.  I split this beautiful pack and froze half for another meal, so I only spent $5 on beef in this recipe.  That left $2 for the tomato sauce/juice, and $5 for the vegetables.

 

 

Crock Pot Beef Vegetable Stew

WARNING:  Serves 10-12, recipe can be halved

2 medium onions, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 cups celery, sliced
2 cups carrots, sliced
2 cups sweet potato, diced
1 cup green beans, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 cup frozen corn
.3 to .5 kg beef, diced (about 1 1/2 cups)
1/2 cup fresh parsley, minced
2 cups pasta cooking sauce or tomato puree or tomato juice
4 cups beef stock
Salt, pepper, cayenne, to taste

Place all items into a large crock pot/slow cooker.  You may need to add extra beef stock if the liquid doesn't fully cover the vegetables.  Set crock pot to Low for 8 hours, or High for 5 hours.

Shopping in New Zealand - The Veg Shop

Almost every corner has a bakery, dairy, butcher, chemist, and take out.  No one-stop shopping here!  These tiny markets have most of what you need within walking distance. 

You will not find a Target or Wal-Mart.  There are a few stores like The Warehouse (similar to a Big Lots! or a mini Wal-mart) and PaknSave (I call it Food4less, because that is exactly what it looks like)

Here is our favorite veg shop, Simply Fresh.

Many stores keep banking hours.  Even the mall closes at 6PM Monday through Thursdays.  Need something on a holiday?  Forget it, everything is likely to be CLOSED.








Still, I find the smaller shops charming.  I have a favorite baker, dairy, butcher, and fish and chips spot.  I know all the owners, and they know our family, so when I send a kid on an errand for me, the shop keeper knows what I need.

 

You'll notice some things are cheaper in New Zealand.  Our prices swing wildly depending on what season we're in.  My favourite example is courgettes (zucchini) in winter is $29.99/kg, then $1.99/kg in season.

 

 



 

1 Kilogram = 2.2 lbs

These are Kumara, similar to sweet potatoes.  I'm not sure if they're specific to New Zealand, but you probably won't find them in the States.  They're AMAZING roasted.  Hey, that's a great price for avocadoes!