Large Family Logisitics - Finding Time For Each Child

"How do you find time for each child?"

I get this question a lot.  There's really no way to reply in 10 words or less, so I usually smile and say, "It's not easy!"

Let me share what we do and what feels successful to us right now.

 

 

If you're looking for ways to find more quality time for your child, I suggest making a list of goals for you and your child so that the time you spend together is as meaningful as possible.

 

What is it you are trying to achieve? 

What message do you want your child to get? 

What feelings do you want your child to walk away with?
What activity can be done to accomplish this?



 

 

Here are mine. 

 

 

*  I want my child to know they are loved by me and they're a valuable part of a supportive family.

 

*  I want to give them regular focused, positive attention.

 

*  I want to do age appropriate activities that will draw us closer together and develop life skills that lead to their independence.

 

*  I want to teach them choices to avoid and which choices will lead them ultimately to happiness, please Heavenly Father, and bring them success.

 

*  I want an established trust in me, Dad, and the Lord so when tough times come along, my child will know what source they can turn to for peace.

 

 

 

When I look at these goals, I realize that in order to accomplish this, it's going to take a lot more than just 'scheduling my child in' and 'weekend date nights' aren't going to cut it. If that is all you have to work with, then you do the best with what you can.  Persistent, life-long commitments to each kiddo are going to be required.  I've got to be devoted.  I've got to Un-Busy myself.

I'm not saying stop everything we're doing and give 100% of our time to our children from now on and lose our identity in meeting their every need.  Quite the opposite...kids benefit from an interesting, confident, and multi-faceted parent.  I am suggesting we involve our children in the different aspects of who we are, our interests, our work, and our favourite things and bring them with us on our journey in personal development.

1.  Incorporate your children in your daily rituals.  My kids are part of who I am and what I do every day.  They know my thoughts, my work, my hobbies and interests because they do them with me.  We interact as part of our daily rituals like getting the mail, cooking, and cleaning.  Its tricky if you are not the primary care giver, the child goes to daycare, or you have a nanny but it can be done.

2.  Find interests that you and your child both genuinely enjoy.  Do them on an on-going basis.  For toddlers, this can be as simple as a stroller ride every Monday morning to the corner store to get drinks.  My husband used to play card games with his friends before we were married.   Now he plays with the teenagers every Saturday night, and everyone loves it.  They never run out of things to talk about.  My kids like to help me with the photography and production of this blog.  We're learning together.

3.  Be available to listen to your child as much as humanly possible. I know way more about Pokémon than any adult female should.  Boys who love to talk to their Mom grow up to be men who love to talk to their Moms.  I hope my boys and girls always love to talk to their Mom.  I have to focus really hard sometimes to not do the mindless, "Uh-huh", but to ask questions as their talking.  After a good conversation, I can sense my child walks away with a satisfied feeling of just having got everything off their chest, and usually an excitement to move on to the next thing.  I don't even provide solutions necessarily, just a listening ear.

4.  Provide attention before they seek it. Give sincere, thoughtful compliments verbally or written so they can refer to it any time they need to.  A backrub, hand massage, or a special ice cream run for just the two of you makes a kiddo feel cherished.  I prefer these to be spontaneous.  When these events are scheduled, they seem forced, and completely against the point.  Look for these opportunities and take them!  I like this method, too, because I can do it when its convenient for me.

5.  Write down what they tell you.  Remember who and what is important to them, their fears, concerns, and ask them about them.  Never divulge their secrets.  Keep their confidence just like you would any other friend.  Now when you have a moment, you can ask the child about it.

6.  Be involved in their education.  Reading to them or going over homework together is great one-on-one time that shows them how important education is to you.  With the older kids, we like to read a book, then go see the movie.  It gives us a lot to talk about, whether we agree with actions the hero or villain took, what we would have done instead, or how could they have handled things differently.

7.  Serve your child with love. Doing things FOR your child can bring you closer.  Whenever the weather is poor, I surprise my kids by picking them up from school.  This simple act means a lot to them, as they have told me many times. 

8.  Remove your digital distractions.  Keep TV, video games, phones, iPods, etc. to a healthy level.  Remember you'll need human connections in order to achieve your goals.

9.  Set goals together.  Discuss your expectations for your child with them, and ask their expectations of themselves.  Goals like college, saving for a large item, or achieving their best at sports or school can let the child know you are their greatest supporter and that their life-long goals are reachable with you on their side.


Finding time for each child can be difficult in a large family, but a lot of the above items can be done when you have time or during other activities. 

What are your tricks to finding time for each child? 

What goals have you set with your kiddos?