Bringing Back Dinnertime

Bringing Back Dinnertime 

 

There have been times when I have absolutely dreaded the task of providing dinner for my mega family.  Mealtime at our house seems to be hours of preparation, then 5 minutes of frantic animalistic face-stuffing.  Our schedules are so chaotic, everyone eats at different times and we barely even see each other.  I get criticism and ingratitude for my effort when I’m trying to get everyone to eat clean while keeping to a strict food budget (you can spend a fortune on food if you allow yourself to, and with large families this is particularly true).   I can’t count how many times I’ve heard, “THIS is what we’re having for dinner?  WHERE'S THE BEEF?” I’m guilty of turning to Dominoes or the Golden Arches for a quick fix.  Like all of you, I want better for my family but the effort seems not worth the trouble.


Then something happened that changed my attitude.   One of my teenage daughters was struggling with her body image and lost her normal feelings of self-worth.  I asked her what we could do as her parents to remind her that she’s loved.  To my surprise, her answer was “I know you love me when we sit down and we have dinner together as a family.”  Her simple plea for more family time at the table reminded me that food is only a small portion of what mealtime is about.  I became determined to improve the dinner hour and really ‘feed’ my family.  Here are 8 of the ideas we are trying to implement that nurture body and soul:

1. Set the time aside as the Dinner Hour–Remember when it was impolite to call other people from 5-7PM because it was dinnertime?  Decide what hour is your dinner hour and expect EVERYONE to be there, hands washed, and most importantly…turn off the digital distractions!
2. Start with a Prayer/ Say Grace/ Meditate–Whatever it is your family does to take a moment and express gratitude for the preparation of the food and the fact that you are more fortunate than a large population of the world who has no dinner tonight.
3. Participation is Key–Small children 4-6 years old can peel carrots, stir the lemonade, and set the table.  6-10 year olds can chop veggies, roll out dough, boil pasta, or set the rice cooker.  Teenagers benefit from being completely in charge of dinner.  Expect a lot of burned casseroles and fallen cakes, but you’re preparing them to be capable adults and isn’t that the point?  Your daughter-in-laws with thank you.
4. Pull out the China–You’re also going to pull out linen table cloths, cloth napkins, chasers, and stemware.  Yes, it’s going to break.  Yes, it’s over the top.  Please try this before shutting me down.  It doesn’t need to be expensive or your grandma’s heirlooms. But be honest, does your dinner table need a makeover?   There is something about detail and effort that signals to the kids that this is a time for good behaviour.  Practice manners like “May I Be Excused?” “Please Pass the —-,“ teach etiquette, and expect respect.  Over time you will find that this separates your kids from a world of Honey Boo Boos.   When your son is at his first dinner job interview, he will thank you.
5. Discussion and Intimacy–My brother Brian found a simple, unique way to express his love for his wife and 4 kids at dinnertime.  He enters the dining room and places his hands on the shoulders of each of his kids, kisses their forehead and asks them about their day.  The kids find this soothing and have admitted that this face to face contact has helped them avoid making mistakes in life because they don’t want to disappoint Dad.  Find your own way to express your love and be consistent.

6.  Have a First Course–This is a simple salad, a thin soup, or perhaps fresh veggie sticks and dips.  The goal is clean, nutritious, cheap, and classy.  This is a good time to introduce new foods and expand the repertoire.  At first it might seem like extra effort and expense but I found that something magical happens.  As long as your first course costs less than your main course, you will SAVE money on groceries.  They eat less main course, creating more leftovers, which means less cooking, and spending less money.  We now get an entire extra dinner out of leftovers when before we never had any.  The second magical thing is it adds another 15 minutes to dinnertime.  This means more family interaction, more resting and digesting, and dinner becomes a calming experience at the end of their day. 

7.  Second (Main) course - Re-evaluate your main courses.  Most families only have 8 meals they have regularly and rotate.  Ask yourself....Why do we choose these recipes?  Are they in line with what we currently understand about nutrition?  Update and consider your family's tastes and ages so that everyone can look forward to a satisfying mealtime together.  The old adage "You are what you eat" is still true, and my clever kiddos told me that should be "Sunshine and Rain."  Your dinner should have grown outside.  If you are using a lot of boxes, packaging, and tins to make dinner, you need some new recipes.

8. Third course -  This can be a dessert course or a cheese course.  Typically we will have a fruit based dessert such as apple tart or plums with whipped cream.  If I'm short on time, we serve camembert, crackers, and tomato juice.  I try to make enough tart or cut fruit to have plenty of leftovers.  This is as a base for tomorrow's breakfast so the kids can just add it to hot or cold cereals.  Being prepared for the morning feels amazing.

Most first courses store well in the fridge, so you aren’t reinventing the wheel every night.  Make a huge pot of soup over the weekend in a two-handled pot that just gets reheated as needed, and it may last 2-3 meals.  Store your courses on a TV tray or platter that stays assembled in the fridge, ready for another night.  Apply patience!  Our first multi-course meal didn’t go great…It went pretty terribly.  Everyone wanted to rush back to what they’d been doing.  It wasn’t until the first night I MISSED a first course that I saw the effects it had on the little tigers.  I got, “Hey mom, WHERE'S THE SALAD?”

I win.  Enough said.